Dark nights, Dark eyes and a head full of half completed ideas. My old friend who i will refer to as "Julia" for privacy's sake just fell in love with a handsome writer because he leaves her love letters in her mail box. She told me all this, blushing the deepest red, and i said it. Like word vomit. Suggesting his infatuation is obsessive and that in all my Independence i wouldn't want what she has found. Julia, And "Nick" we will call him are my perfect example of why being young sucks and why i sleep alone at night. When one gets bored the other one will go through weeks maybe months of an insecure emotional hell and come out on the other side bitter and untrusting. Anyway, I trying to explain to Julie that se was beautiful and fun and i couldn't understand why she needed some asshole with messy facial hair and too many feelings to show her that. Why all her stories started with "Oh nick says that all the time, isn't he funny?" When giving me details on their seemly healthy sex life she insists on saying "making love". I feeel comfortable documenting this because i know she will never read it or care and I'm trying to prove a point. I'm not saying being alone forever is my wish, I'm just saying at this point in our lives i feel that i should be figuring out who i am, not having some boy fill my easily manipulated mind with fairy tail endings and white picket fences. JUST SAYING, I already have to deal with work, school, bills, drugs ans sex and the fact that im an idiot by default because im a 19 year old girl.. why waste time day dreaming? I had a relationship once, And even though at the end of our out drawn time together i was telling my girlfriends i was no longer in love it still took months to recover. It felt like throwing myself to a pack of wolves who had been starved and harassed for days. Knowing that everything ends, and knowing when it comes to matters of the heart that is how it feels i can't imagine breaking my own heart again. Back to my story, Julia and i walked back to her car because she had to go for dinner with poet in shinning armour. She kissed my cheek and said "Im sorry about what happen between you two, Don't stop looking though!" I was stunned. Im pretty sure i was standing in the same position as she drove off. Absolutely caught off guard. Sorry? How could she be sorry if i weren't? And why would i look for something i didn't want? It was as if she were sympathetic to the fact that the thing most common thing in my bed other then myself were an ashtray. And i probably sound bitter and alone and cray but im just being smart. This isn't a rant about her happiness, But about the stupidity that those kind of feelings strikes in to you. I get crushes, don't get me wrong.. But my heart belongs to my best friends, money and growing. Why is everyone in such a hurry to grow up?
Did you SERIOUSLY just read all of that?
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“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”