I DON'T SHINE IF YOU DON'T SHINE.

It was liiikee -- I don't know, almost year ago that it hurt and now i just can't care about anything that much and it's almost upsetting in a way where its not.. I don't know.. Does this make sense? I don't know how i stayed there for as long as i did, and it's days alone that make me remember. When you stop getting nervous is when i start thinking it doesn't really matter. And i can't even follow my own thought pattern these days because what i want one minute is who i can't stand the next. It's only 8pm, and the sun is going down, And im thinking more lately that i was the mistake and you were lucky. It feels good to see you happy. It feels good to ride my bike really fast down a hill. It feels really good to wake up lonely, Not alone, but seriously lonely. A homeless man i saw at work on my smoke break last week told me his wife left him, i said i was sorry. He continued to say that he isn't going to change or live for another person because there is only enough room in his coffin for him. And for some reason i just keep thinking about it. And then i think about the fact that he probably didn't even have a wife and i shouldn't take the things homeless people say as some message from some non existent higher power trying to point me in the direction of my non existent destiny. My fate is to work and pay rent and drink, Like everyone else. And this is why i never sleep. I need to stop thinking in codes and waiting for some movie twist or hero to save me from my hopelessly boring normal life. I gotta get away from everything and everyone just for a little bit..