It all comes down to the knots in your stomach and the lump in your throat. How FUCKING SICK i get when i think about anything that remotely reminds me of them and you and the shitty youth of Calgary. And when all i want to do is drink myself in to a coma i feel sick to look at myself too. I don't want a cellphone or facebook or a social life or friends. People = Problems. It's like the last time i lied. I hate it here. I hate them. Stop wasting my fucking time. I need to stop wasting everyone's time. IM CRAWLING OUT OF MY FUCKING SKIN. Used me. Use to be me. It goes fine, sad, angry. And the last stage is the worst because it's the one that sticks around for a few days. It's these fucking people that you think are going to give you something your missing, And turn around and talk and lie and stab and gut. I hate feeling like this, I hate myself. And i fucking hate this city, and these kids, and i hate cops and calgary transit.
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un.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”