I just need to DECIDE to make positive changes, and stop falling in to being like this. This awful version of me. I need a job, I need school, I need to not drink myself in to a coma multiple times a week. And i need for you to not make me feel like i am doing something so wrong to you, I don't even think you know your doing it.. I don't know. Tomorrow is tuesday, Tomorrow i am going to start real life i think..I hope.. For the last you know how many months i have just been not what i want to be. Unhealthy, Unhappy, Fast food diet, Pack of a smokes a day, too much booze, Not enough sleep, Boys, No showers. This bums me out.
I have decided all i want is to get myself on track, and conversation with like minded people. Im just getting really fucking sick of everyone's negitive ataitudes (mine included) OBVIOUSLY everyone is stressed, real life is stressful, I just don't want to make myself unhappy like this, Which is what im doing by being in this mindstate, and so many other people are doing it too, and its just annoying. If you want to be happy you should just choose to be happy, everyone has a million things to live for so i don't understand why you and you and you and me need to be such brats all time.
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un.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”